Does anyone remember this post from early 2016?
Probably just me; it brought back a lot of memories. Talking about finding little victories and legitimate ones, how to balance them out and define success. There are some hard lines, but generally thoughtful and still impactful for me to re-read.
Anyway… reflecting on that period of time and comparing it to now, I wanted to share a couple paragraphs that quite succinctly describes some of the things I think I needed to hear and consider for myself now.
If I can do those things (meet small objectives within a bigger event), there is at least a little victory in every race I do. And even this kind of winning is important: because if you can’t find ways to feel victorious, and to feel validated in what you’re doing, then you’ll stop doing it. I don’t believe people should (or will) repeatedly do things that make themselves feel inferior. It’s not healthy, and it’s also a fine line. Being able to pat yourself on the back for little-victories is important for the ol’ noggin’, especially when times are tough, but it shouldn’t become pity either, self pity is sort of sad.
That is where I draw the line. Little victories are what keep you on the rails, but if that train is going to build up momentum and get to the big city, it’s going to take more than a few pats on the back – I’m talking fuel to keep the furnace fired (or whatever trains engines work with these days). And that’s about where I am now. After picking myself up mediocre-race after okay-race after bad-race, I really just need to get a legitimate result to get this train moving. Success breeds’ success and confidence stimulates confidence. You can fake confidence, and you can find success in smaller facets of your work, but in the world of elite sport, a big result is the only real measure of great success. But I suppose what a big result is depends on who you are and what your standards are.
So – in a time now where there are no “results”, per say – what does success look like as an athlete? How do you define a win, and how do you measure achievement in a way that helps you feel validated and fulfilled? I’m going to try and think of some things to fit the bill this week when I have some time.
It’s been quite busy at Bikeland, so work takes up most days and I’m fitting some exercise/training around it, as well as other life and bike things. I’m glad to be busy mostly with work, but missing the inspiration to “really” train now – so I’m taking a more conscious break. I’ve decided there isn’t much point in beating myself up mentally, and physically trying to get/stay super fit when we have absolutely no idea when we will get to express form and race. Trying to save my brain, body and make a plan, set the mission, later when the time becomes clearer.
Had a good talk with my Grandma about life today. An Budge, pictured, isn’t my Grandma, but she’s about as proud of my racing as anyone could possibly be.
Random photo for the day – chain in full rigormortis. RIP.
Jenn Jackson 